follow your stupid dreams.

I’m kind of freaking out right now, and I’m not sure this was a good idea. When I was seven, I knew I was going to be an artist, but by the time I was eight, I wanted to be a garbage man. Then at eleven, I realized becoming a professional skateboarder would be even more fun than riding a trash truck. Eventually, I grew up and made it into college to study mechanical engineering. That’s when I finally figured out my dream—I was going to become a snowcat driver. But I never did. Not because I didn’t have the opportunity, but because I actually turned down my dream job. I thought it would be foolish to pursue it after working so hard for my degree. The job was seasonal, didn’t pay well, and didn’t seem to align with the stable, responsible person I thought I was supposed to become. I was afraid that if the dream wasn’t everything I imagined, I would feel like a failure. But now I wonder, what’s worse—a failed dream or an abandoned one?

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I still regret not taking that snowcat job, but not because I wish I were doing that today. I’ve moved on from that dream, but I regret missing the chance to trust myself and chase a dream, even if it was temporary or didn’t turn out perfectly. The fear of failing held me back, and it’s a regret I’m trying hard not to feel again. I’m just two hours away from something big now, and while I tend to dramatize things, this really feels like a huge deal to me. I’m about to check off a dream I’ve wondered about for years. I’m proud of myself and can picture the little kid version of me who loved playing with cameras and creating art. I think that kid would be excited to see where I am today.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high because the place I’m touring today seems perfect—massive, affordable, and in the right neighborhood. But I just have to wait and see how things go. In other news, life is endlessly complicated. It never feels like the right time to make a big change, and there are always plenty of reasons not to. So, when a company from New York reached out, wanting to collaborate on a couple of videos, it gave me the push I needed to take the leap and make this dream a reality. I don’t know what I’ll be doing a year or even a month from now, but today, this dream is coming true.

The irony of chasing dreams is that once you achieve them, they’re no longer dreams—they become reality. And while that reality can be wonderful, sometimes the magic fades. Yet, despite everything, I believe that every dream is worth chasing, even if it’s just for the lessons it teaches you along the way. As for the project I’m working on now, I’m running a music project called “Mandal Bro,” which is also a YouTube channel. I’m trying to merge my love for music with my passion for YouTube and storytelling. Two years ago, I quit my job and lived off my savings for a year and a half to pursue this. By the end, I was broke, and my music career still felt far away. It was a tough pill to swallow, but I’ve realized that no amount of success or failure will take away the struggles and doubts that come with being a creative. Everyone I admire has those same doubts; they just keep going, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

Sometimes, I feel a little silly for doing all of this. I already feel awkward about wanting to make YouTube videos for a living, but moving to a city like New York—the epicenter of art, music, theater, and film—just to focus on YouTube feels even more surreal. The great irony of having dreams is that they aren’t real; they’re just imagined. And the moment you achieve a dream, it’s no longer a dream—it’s reality. The sparkle of that reality might last for a while, or it might fade quickly. But even though I know that, I still believe that every single dream is worth pursuing.

What I’m realizing more and more is that whatever I think I’m chasing by achieving these dreams, it’s probably already right in front of me. I’m learning that the journey itself holds just as much value as the destination. In fact, sometimes, the simple act of following a dream is more rewarding than the dream itself. When I think back, I didn’t just want to drive a snowcat or start a music project for the sake of those specific goals—I wanted the experiences, the growth, and the lessons that came with them. Those are the things that shape who we are.

Now, as I stand on the verge of another big step, I feel that same mix of excitement and doubt. But this time, I’m ready to embrace it. A company called Shade reached out to me, offering to support one of my video projects with no strings attached. They just want me to make something cool, to tell my story, and maybe give their product a mention. It’s a different kind of sponsorship, one that feels more genuine and aligned with what I care about—creativity. The idea that a company believes in my vision and wants to help bring it to life is incredible, and it’s the nudge I needed to keep moving forward.

I have no idea what the future holds. A year from now, I could be doing something completely different, or I could still be working on the same things. But today, I’m proud of where I am. I’m proud of that little kid who used to play with cameras, and I’m proud of the person I’m becoming. Sure, there are doubts, and sure, it’s scary. But in the end, it’s all part of the process—part of living life fully and chasing the things that set our souls on fire.

The fear of uncertainty is always there, lurking in the background. But I’ve come to accept that it’s just part of being someone who chases dreams. No matter how much progress I make, no matter how far I go, there will always be moments of doubt. I used to think that successful people had it all figured out, that once you “made it,” the uncertainty would disappear. But I’ve learned that even the most accomplished people wrestle with those same doubts. They just choose to keep pushing forward, to work through the fear and uncertainty, and then do it all over again the next day.

It’s funny how, despite everything, the passion I have for making things never seems to fade. Sure, it evolves and takes new shapes, but it’s always there, driving me to keep going even when the road gets tough. Sometimes, I feel a little silly for wanting to dedicate my life to creating YouTube videos. After all, YouTube seems so different from the “serious” art forms like music, theater, or film. But I’ve come to realize that it’s my version of art. It’s how I express myself, tell stories, and connect with others. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that art is whatever you make of it. It doesn’t have to fit into anyone else’s definition.

The dreams I’m chasing today might not look like what I imagined as a kid, but that’s okay. Dreams change, and that’s the beauty of them. They’re fluid, growing and shifting as we grow and shift. I used to think that achieving my dreams would bring some kind of final, lasting satisfaction. But now I see that dreams aren’t meant to be endpoints—they’re stepping stones. Every time you reach one, a new one takes its place. And that’s what makes life interesting: the endless cycle of dreaming, achieving, and dreaming again.

The people I admire, the ones who’ve inspired me, all went through this same process. They faced the same struggles, the same doubts, the same moments of feeling lost. But they kept going, kept creating, kept pushing through the uncertainty. And that’s what I’m trying to do now. I don’t know if I’ll ever “make it” in the way I used to imagine, but I do know that I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep putting myself out there, keep following that spark inside me that tells me to create, to dream, to push beyond what feels safe or easy.

So, here I am, standing on the edge of something new again. It’s both exhilarating and terrifying, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m proud of the risks I’ve taken, and even though some of them didn’t work out the way I hoped, they’ve all led me to this moment. I’m learning to trust myself, to embrace the uncertainty, and to believe that, no matter what happens, it’s all worth it in the end. Dreams may change, and the path may be unpredictable, but the journey? The journey is everything.