How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself

Today, we’re diving into the important topic of boundaries—how to set healthier ones, foster better relationships, stop acting out of guilt or obligation, and break free from people-pleasing habits. If you find it hard to say “no,” then this is for you.

Hi, loves! Welcome back. I’m excited to talk about boundaries because it’s something I needed to learn for myself, and now, I’m eager to share with you. Setting boundaries empowers you to protect your energy, time, and well-being. First, let’s define boundaries. They are the limits we set for ourselves regarding what we will and will not tolerate. They are about identifying what’s okay and what’s not okay. Unfortunately, many of us haven’t taken the time to define these boundaries, which leads to people stepping over them, often leaving us hurt, exhausted, and ultimately losing in the end.

Let’s be honest: how many of you have said “yes” to something you didn’t want to do because you felt obligated or didn’t want to upset anyone? How many of you have sacrificed your own needs just to keep the peace? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Most of us have been there. In a recent podcast episode with Nancy Levin, we talked about how people-pleasers often spend so much energy managing others’ perceptions and taking on responsibilities that aren’t ours. In doing so, we abandon ourselves in favor of keeping everyone else happy, often without checking in on our own needs.

It’s time to take our power back. Start by being aware of your own needs and boundaries. Self-awareness is key—know what you want, what you’re comfortable with, and what your preferences are. Many people don’t even ask themselves these questions, which is why others easily take advantage. If you don’t define your boundaries, someone else will.

Once you know what your boundaries are, the next step is communication. Express your needs and limits to others so they know where you stand. If you don’t communicate them, people will continue to push their own agendas, often leaving you feeling overlooked and drained. It’s okay to express your honest opinions, even if it’s uncomfortable or you fear offending someone. You can be both direct and kind while setting boundaries. If someone reacts negatively, that’s a reflection of their own issues, not yours.

Clear communication opens the door to healthier compromises. When both parties express their needs, you can work together to find a solution that respects everyone’s boundaries. Remember, you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. As an empath or people-pleaser, you might have the tendency to predict how others will feel and avoid being truthful to spare their emotions. But you can’t carry that burden—how someone responds is on them, not you.

Stop trying to keep the peace at the expense of your authenticity and well-being. It’s impossible to please everyone all the time, and aiming for harmony at all costs is exhausting and detrimental. People won’t always get along, and you won’t always be liked by everyone—and that’s okay.

Learning to say “no” is crucial. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or excuse for your “no.” It’s perfectly okay to decline opportunities or invitations simply because you don’t want to. You can do this with grace and gratitude—”No, thank you” or “I appreciate the offer, but it’s not something I want to do right now.” Saying “no” becomes easier with practice, and soon, you’ll feel liberated, only saying “yes” to things you truly want.

At the end of the day, this all ties back to self-love. Loving yourself means prioritizing your needs, treating yourself kindly, and protecting your energy. If you spend all your time making others happy, who will look after you? You are the most important person in your life, and you need to take care of yourself first.

It might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re new to setting boundaries. People may even be surprised by your newfound assertiveness. But in the end, you’ll feel so much freer. Once you start communicating your needs, you might be surprised by how understanding people actually are. Most people will respect your boundaries once you express them.

Thank you so much for watching! I hope this video helps you on your journey to setting healthier boundaries and prioritizing yourself. If you know anyone who might need to hear this, please share it with them. And if you’d like more content on this topic, check out my playlist for people-pleasers linked below. Sending you lots of love!

As you begin this journey of setting healthier boundaries, keep in mind that it’s a learning process. It’s okay if you feel a little unsure at first—it’s something that takes time and practice. You might feel uncomfortable or even guilty when you start saying “no” or standing up for your needs, especially if you’ve been a people-pleaser for most of your life. But remember, you’re doing this for your own well-being. Over time, you’ll notice a significant difference in how you feel—more empowered, more in control, and less drained from constantly trying to meet everyone else’s expectations.

One important thing to remember is that you don’t need anyone’s permission to set boundaries. Often, we feel like we need to justify our limits or explain why we can’t do something. But you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your boundaries are yours to define, and you have every right to set them without feeling guilty or selfish.

In fact, setting boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do—not just for yourself but for others as well. When you establish clear limits, you’re showing others how you want to be treated, and you’re giving them the opportunity to respect you. Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships. When you consistently express your needs and enforce your boundaries, you’re less likely to experience resentment or frustration, and your relationships will be built on mutual respect.

It’s also important to recognize that some people may not react well when you start setting boundaries, especially if they’re used to you always accommodating their needs. They may push back, get upset, or try to make you feel guilty. But that’s okay. Their reaction is not your responsibility. You’re not setting boundaries to hurt anyone; you’re doing it to protect your peace and prioritize your well-being. Over time, those who truly care about you will learn to respect your limits.

As you practice setting boundaries, be patient with yourself. There will be moments when it feels tough, and you may even slip back into old habits of saying “yes” when you mean “no.” But every step you take toward asserting your needs is progress. Celebrate those small wins and keep going.

Remember, your well-being matters. You deserve to have relationships that honor your boundaries, where you feel respected and valued. By putting yourself first and taking responsibility for your own needs, you’re setting the foundation for a healthier, happier life.

Thank you so much for joining me on this topic. Boundaries are a lifelong journey, but once you start embracing them, you’ll find yourself feeling freer, more authentic, and more empowered. Don’t be afraid to take up space, speak your truth, and protect your energy. You are worth it! Sending you all the love, and I’ll see you in the next video.

As you continue to embrace the practice of setting boundaries, it’s essential to stay mindful of how you feel throughout the process. Boundaries are not a one-time fix—they are ongoing, evolving limits that will need to be reinforced and sometimes adjusted as your life and relationships change. Don’t be discouraged if it feels hard or if people around you resist at first. Boundaries are ultimately about protecting your emotional, mental, and physical well-being, and it’s okay if others take some time to understand and respect that.

One of the most powerful shifts you’ll experience is the sense of freedom that comes with clearly defining and defending your boundaries. You’ll find that your relationships improve, not because you’re bending over backward to make everyone else happy, but because they’re based on mutual respect and understanding. You’ll also notice that the more you honor your own needs, the more energy and mental clarity you’ll have to pursue the things that matter most to you.

It’s important to note that not everyone in your life may respond positively to your boundaries, especially if they’ve become accustomed to you always being available or saying “yes.” Some relationships may even fade or change drastically—and that’s okay. Setting boundaries is also about learning to recognize the relationships that truly support your growth and well-being versus those that drain you or take advantage of your kindness. You’ll start to surround yourself with people who respect and value you for who you are, not just for what you can do for them.

Over time, the practice of saying “no” will become more natural, and you’ll no longer feel the need to explain or justify your choices. This doesn’t mean you’ll never experience discomfort, but you’ll get better at recognizing when something doesn’t serve you and will have the confidence to turn it down with grace. You’ll also discover how empowering it feels to make decisions based on your own needs, rather than out of fear of disappointing others.

Another key point in this journey is the realization that you are not responsible for other people’s happiness. For many people-pleasers, this is a hard truth to accept. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we must keep everyone else happy, even if it means sacrificing our own well-being. But the reality is, no matter how much we try, we can’t control how others feel or how they respond to us. Each person is responsible for managing their own emotions, just as you are responsible for managing yours.

Learning to let go of the guilt that comes with setting boundaries is a significant part of this process. At first, it may feel selfish or uncomfortable to put yourself first, but with time, you’ll see that prioritizing your own needs is not selfish at all—it’s necessary for a healthy and fulfilling life. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to show up fully in your relationships, your work, and your passions.

As you practice setting boundaries, you’ll also notice a shift in how you approach life in general. You’ll become more intentional with your time and energy, focusing on what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. This can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections with others, as well as a stronger sense of purpose in everything you do.

In conclusion, setting boundaries is one of the most powerful acts of self-love you can undertake. It’s about reclaiming your time, your energy, and your peace of mind. It’s about knowing your worth and refusing to settle for less than you deserve. Most importantly, it’s about honoring yourself and your needs without apology.

Thank you for watching this video and for joining me on this journey toward healthier boundaries. I hope this message resonates with you and empowers you to start setting limits that protect your well-being and nurture your growth. Remember, you have the right to say “no,” to take up space, and to prioritize yourself. You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, and it all starts with you. If you found this video helpful, don’t forget to share it with anyone who might need to hear this message. I’m sending you so much love, and I’ll see you in the next one. Take care of yourself—you’ve got this!