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I Didn’t Realize This Mindset Was Wrecking My Life—Until I Changed Everything
If you’ve been feeling stuck, it’s probably because of this one mindset shift.
Overcoming Art Shame: Breaking Free from the Shell of Fear
We humans often think we’re smarter than we are, yet we repeatedly do things we know harm us. One of the most insidious ways this manifests is through what I call “art shame”—those moments when a single comment or experience convinces us to abandon our passions. Let me share a story about my friend, whom I’ll call Jenny for privacy.
Jenny’s Story: A Dream Deferred
When Jenny was young, she loved drawing and dreamed of becoming an artist. Her sketches were filled with vibrant landscapes, bursting with potential. But one day, her mother glanced at her work and said, “Jenny, I don’t think you have a gift for that, but you’re good at many other things.” It might have been a well-meaning remark, perhaps about that one drawing or her future prospects, but it struck deep. That single comment led Jenny to abandon her artistic dreams, redirecting her focus entirely to academics.
I’m not here to speculate whether Jenny’s life would have been better as an artist—that’s a mystery we’ll never solve. What I see, though, is a talent that could have been nurtured but was instead silenced by a fleeting moment. This is the essence of art shame: a single event triggering a mindset shift from daring to try to hiding away. Over time, that mindset becomes our default—comparing instead of creating, holding back instead of growing.
The Trap of Art Shame
We all carry our own version of an art shame story. For me, it was calligraphy. I fell in love with it years ago, scrolling through Instagram, admiring others’ elegant scripts. But I kept telling myself, “If only I’d started a year ago,” or “I’m not talented enough.” Seven years passed before I finally began my calligraphy journey. Sound familiar? Maybe for you, it’s not art but something else—a YouTube channel you never started, a sport you quit, or journaling you gave up because your handwriting “wasn’t good enough.”
These moments often stem from unkind words, whether from others or our own inner critic. They make us guarded, insecure, and afraid of failure or judgment. Harvard psychologist Dr. Susan David explains that avoiding these emotions can harm our mental health. The first step to breaking free is to face them. “When emotions are denied or ignored, they get stronger,” she says. By acknowledging and labeling our feelings, we gain power over them.
Exercise: Face Your Art Shame
Take a moment to reflect on your own art shame story. Pause, grab a notebook, and write it down. It doesn’t have to be about art—it could be anything you stopped pursuing. What was said to you, or what experience made you decide to stay stuck? How did it make you feel? Be honest, not dramatic. Just express it as it was.
For example, my friend Tom stopped playing soccer after a coach told him he wasn’t fast enough. Monica gave up journaling because she felt her handwriting wasn’t “pretty.” These moments linger, and as humans, we’re wired to dwell on negative experiences more than positive ones. I’ve learned this through my YouTube journey. Despite receiving countless kind comments, it’s the rare negative ones that stick with me. But I’ve developed a process: acknowledge the feeling, reflect on why it’s there, and intentionally move on.
Step 1: Face It
Facing your art shame is crucial, but it’s only the beginning. Dr. David’s research emphasizes that naming our emotions reduces their grip on us. So, write down your story. Don’t shy away from the discomfort—it’s the first step to breaking out of your shell.
Step 2: Move On
The critical next step is choosing to move on. This sounds abstract, but let me share a story. My husband once struggled with regret and indecision. To break free, he physically drew a line on the floor and stepped over it—a tangible act to mark his decision to leave the past behind. The human mind is stubborn, often keeping us stuck despite our desire to move forward. Creating a physical representation of that choice—whether it’s drawing a line, writing a letter, or even tearing up a note—can align your mind and body, helping you let go.
Step 3: Start Something New
Happiness comes from growth, from feeling that today is better than yesterday and that tomorrow holds promise. To cultivate this, start something you genuinely enjoy, something you’ve always wanted to try but never found the “right moment” for. It could be learning a new skill, picking up a hobby, or revisiting an old passion.
When I started calligraphy, it wasn’t about building a business—it was about rediscovering joy, tuning out adult responsibilities, and feeling like a child again. Comments from my handwriting improvement video warmed my heart: “I’d put off journaling for years because my handwriting wasn’t good enough, but your video inspired me to start again.” These messages remind me why I share my journey—not for profit, but to contribute to others’ growth.
Exercise: Start Your Journey
Write down up to 10 things you’d love to learn or pursue. Then, pick one. It doesn’t have to be grand—it could be sketching, gardening, or even baking. The key is to choose something that sparks joy and allows you to grow.
Step 4: Stay Focused on Your Progress
The greatest threat to this journey is comparison. As long as you focus on your own progress, you’ll hold onto that joy. But the moment you compare yourself to others—especially those already “at the finish line”—it fades. Those inner voices creep in: “Why bother? It’s too late. Who am I to try?”
Don’t let someone’s comment about your handwriting stop you from enjoying journaling. Don’t let fear of judgment keep you from drawing or creating. Focus on the present moment and your daily progress, not what others say or think.
Breaking Free from the Shell
Your art shame story doesn’t define you, nor does it dictate who you’ll become. By facing your fears, choosing to move on, starting something new, and staying focused on your growth, you can break free from the shell that traps you. Over time, you’ll look back and marvel at how far you’ve come—not just in skill, but in peace and joy.
I hope this inspires you to take that first step. If you’re comfortable, share your art shame story or which of these steps you find hardest. Let’s support each other in moving forward, growing, and finding joy in the journey.
This article was originally published on my website.