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Is living alone in a van what i really want? // an evening of solo van life
Van Life Reflections: Finding Home on the Road
Ark
June 02, 2025
The weather outside is gloomy and rainy, casting a gray veil over everything. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to stay inside, curled up with a warm drink. But my van—my home on wheels—is in desperate need of a cleanup. It’s gotten a bit chaotic in here, and I need to tidy up to feel a little more normal. As I sit, listening to the wind howl outside (is that hail?), I’m reminded of why I chose this life. My dog, Athena, is sprawled out nearby, her arm in a cast but her spirit as lively as ever. I laugh to myself—going back to my roots, huh? A little pun, since I’m planning to cook some potatoes tonight. I can never resist them, and I’ll probably eat the whole batch, even if I tell myself I’ll save some for later.
Today, I felt like sitting down to talk, something I haven’t done in a while. Honestly, I’ve been hesitant because I feel like I don’t have much to say. But then I look around, and I’m reminded of how much I love this spot. It’s perfect—Athena can run off-leash, splashing in the little pond nearby, and the open space feels like freedom. The cell service is surprisingly great, probably because of the power lines overhead, making it easy to upload videos and stay connected. It’s a 10/10 location, gorgeous and peaceful. The wind has finally calmed down after days of relentless gusts, so I’m thinking about building a fire tonight. Maybe I’ll even strum a few chords on my guitar by the campfire, though I haven’t gotten any better at it since the last time.
Living in a van has become my normal, and I’ve reached a point where it feels easier than renting an apartment or settling down somewhere. Don’t get me wrong—I dream of owning a big piece of land someday, maybe with a small house. But for now, this lifestyle suits me better than anything else. People always talk about how inconvenient van life can be, and sure, it has its challenges. But for me, it’s freedom. There’s still so much I haven’t seen—Canada’s on my list, for one—and I have loose plans for this summer. Well, more like concepts of plans. I don’t like to announce what I’m doing until it’s happening, but trust me, there’s a lot I want to explore.
Reflecting on this journey, I’ve realized something profound: the road feels like home. After months, even years, of grappling with loneliness and a sense of being adrift, I’ve come out the other side. That’s not to say I don’t have rough days or weeks—everyone does. But I’m secure in my choice to live this way, alone with Athena by my side. I no longer question if this is the life for me. There’s a beautiful peace in accepting that this is what I want, what I enjoy. Honestly, this lifestyle saved me. When I first considered buying a van, I doubted myself. When I moved in while in a long-term relationship, I doubted myself. When I found myself in strange, unfamiliar places, completely alone, I doubted myself. Others told me it wasn’t a good idea, that I should wait until I was older. But deep down, something pulled me toward this life, urging me to keep going. I’m so glad I listened.
Tonight, it’s Friday, and I’m ready to keep the good vibes going. I’ve got music playing, and I’m filling a gallon jug with pond water to douse the fire later. I’m making rice with some leftover curry soup—it didn’t quite taste like curry, but it’s better the next day anyway. The fire’s going, though I started it a bit early, and we’re running low on firewood. It’s 8:43 p.m., and the sun hasn’t set yet, which I love about these almost-summer evenings. I’ll wait a bit before adding the last of the wood to make sure the fire lasts until dusk. This is the life—simple, messy, but mine. I’m just going to keep frolicking in fields, chasing this feeling, and seeing where the road takes me next.
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